Good morning, bookworms. Did any of you order the new iPhone this week? The new iPhone Air looks tempting, but I'm sticking with my current phone for another year.

At least that's what I'm telling myself for now.

This week, we discuss the power of asking good questions.

— Maneet

Weekly Discussion

How do you handle awkward silences?

A few months ago, I was meeting with a friend for dinner and we had a lot of them…

In situations like this, I usually blame myself. I immediately tell myself that I’m not a good conversationalist and it’s my fault. To a certain extent, there’s some truth to that, it takes two to have a good conversation. But more often than not, awkward conversations are the result of one specific thing.

A lack of questions.

In this week’s reading of Talk by Alison Wood Brooks, we learn about the power of asking questions during a conversation. This has been one of those things I always knew, but never explicitly realized. I’d like to think I’m naturally pretty good at asking lots of questions, but every once in a while, I’ll hang out with someone who isn’t very good at it.

Which is exactly what happened with the friend I was meeting for dinner.

Cue the awkward silences.

To have a great conversation with someone, it’s important to understand that questions are the foundation. They must go both ways, and they must be good questions. We’ve all heard the saying “there’s no such thing as a stupid question.” That might be true in a classroom, but in real conversations, some types of questions are much better than others.

Let’s start with the two types of questions you should keep to a minimum: introductory and mirroring.

Introductory questions are fine when you first meet someone, but if you rely on them too much, the conversation stalls. Mirroring questions are even worse. That’s when we just reflect back the same question with a lazy, “And what about you?” It’s shallow, and it usually kills the energy.

Instead, we should focus on topic-switching and follow-up questions.

Topic-switching questions spark new directions. Contrary to what you might think, switching topics actually makes conversations richer. Follow-up questions are even more important. They show you’re listening, paying attention, and curious about the other person.

When done well, follow-up questions are a superpower.

Think back to a conversation that made you feel heard, understood, and at ease. Chances are, it contained some thoughtful follow-up questions. The kind that made you feel your partner wasn’t just nodding along, but genuinely interested in you.

The book has some great examples if you want to dive deeper, but I’m curious to hear about your experience.

Can you remember a recent conversation where a follow-up question really stuck with you?

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